“My Experiment of Seeing God ” (1905) by Tsunashima Ryōsen
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| Tsunashima Ryōsen (1873-1907) (Source) |
Now, one of the people Imaoka-sensei tells us he was profoundly influenced by as a young man studying at the Imperial University of Tokyo between 1903-1906, was Tsunashima Ryōsen. Imaoka-sensei was attending lectures on mysticism when he read Ryōsen’s “My Experiment of Seeing God” in the magazine “Shinjin.” He tells us he was deeply moved by it and began to realise that there were real and living examples of people like Meister Eckhart that he was hearing about in the lectures being given by his teacher Anesaki Masaharu. Indeeed, Imoaka-sensei was so taken with Tsunashima Ryōsen’s thinking that he plucked up the courage to visit him on his deathbed in order to receive guidance.
In an interview with the Japan Broadcasting Corporation (NHK) in 1974 Imaoka-sensei tells us that, although Ryōsen was baptised as a Christian when he was young,
“. . . he soon became sceptical of Christianity and distanced himself from the church, dedicating himself to literary criticism and ethics research. After contracting a terminal illness, he began to immerse himself in religious contemplation, eventually having an experience of seeing God. It wasn’t something you could simply label as Christianity or Buddhism. It transcended those, a vast and profound experience, not at all occult-like, but a vivid experience of a mysterious fusion between God, as the deep reality of the universe, and oneself.”
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「神と偕にたのしみ神と偕にはたらく」 |
Following Tsunashima Ryōsen’s death in 1907, Imaoka-sensei joined a group of Ryōsen’s students and admirers called the Ryōsen-kai (Ryōsen Association 梁川会) and it was in that group that he met Tenko Nishida (Tenko-san) who was also to have a profound influence upon him, not least of all because it was Tenko-san who introduced him to Okada Torajiro and his practice of Seiza meditation (Quiet Sitting).
Given all the foregoing connections, I have long wanted to read Tsunashima Ryōsen’s “My Experiment of Seeing God ” but, alas, no English translation seems ever to have been made. Well, this morning, I thought I would search again and, although I didn’t find an English translation, I did find the Japanese text and I so I took some time to run it it through ChatGPT simply to get a first glimpse of what the esssay was all about. I found it fascinating, and reading it has certainly helped me better to understand Imaoka-sensei’s own religious and spiritual development. But, in addition to that, I was struck by how much it chimed with a mystical-like experience had when I was twenty-two, which was powerful enough to send me into the ministry and the study of theology (see HERE if you want to read about that experience . . . one I don’t talk about very often). Anyway, I was profoundly struck by how helpful this essay would have been to me back in 1987 had I had access to it.
So, for all it’s undoubted many mistakes/faults, I publish the ChatGPT translation here, not simply because it helps me/us better to understand Imaoka sensei, but because it might just be of practical help — right here and right now — to some of you.
I include the Japanese text for anyone who wants to attempt a more accurate, nuanced translation. And, if you make one, please let me know!
予が見神の実験
綱島梁川
My Experiment of Seeing God
(1905)
Tsunashima Ryōsen
この篇は世の宗教的経験深き人に示さん為めにはあらずして 唯 ただ 心洵 まことに神を求めて宗教的生活に入らんとする世の多くの友に 薦 すゝめんとて 也 なり。
This work is not meant to be shown to those who have deep religious experience in the world, but rather it is a recommendation to the many friends who truly seek God from their hearts and wish to enter into a religious life.
予は今予みづからの見神の実験につきて語る所あらむとす。この事、予に 於 おいては多少心苦しからざるに 非 あらず。されど、予は今、世の常の自慮や、 心配 こゝろづかひを一切 打遺 うちすてて、出来るだけ忠実に、明確に、予が見たる所を語らでは 已 やみ難き一つの使命を有するを感ず。あながちに 己 おのが見証を 将 もつて世に 吹聴 ふいちやうせんとにはあらず、唯だ吾が鈍根劣機を以てして、 尚 なほ且つこの 稀有 けうの心証に 与 あづかることを得たる 嬉 うれしさ、 忝 かたじけなさの 抑 おさへあへざると、且つは世の、心洵に神に 憧 あこがれて 未 いまだその声を聴かざるもの、人知れず心の悩みに泣くもの、迷ふもの、 煩 うれふるもの、一言すればすべて人生問題に 蹉 つまづき 傷 きずつきて惨痛の涙を味へるもの、 凡 およそ 是等 これら一味の友にわが見得せる所を 如実 さながらに分かち伝へんが為めに語らんとはするなり。あはれ、上天も見そなはせ、予は今この一個の貴き音づれを世に 宣 のべんが為めに 此処 こゝに立てり。
Now, I intend to speak about my own experiment of seeing God. This matter, to me, is not without a certain degree of uneasiness. However, I now feel a mission that cannot be stopped, to abandon all the usual self-reflection and worries of the world, and speak as faithfully and clearly as possible about what I have seen. It is not that I wish to proclaim my testimony to the world out of selfish desire, but rather I cannot suppress the joy and gratitude of having, despite my dull and inferior nature, still been able to partake in this rare spiritual experience. Moreover, I wish to speak in order to share what I have realized with those in the world who sincerely long for God but have not yet heard His voice, those who cry in the unseen anguish of their hearts, those who are lost, those who are troubled, and those who have stumbled over the problems of life, been wounded, and tasted the tears of suffering. In short, I speak for all these friends of mine, to convey what I have come to understand as faithfully as possible. Alas, may the heavens also witness this—I now stand here to proclaim this one precious message to the world.
わが見証をさながらに世に伝へんといふ。事や、もと至難なり。 嗚呼 ああ吾れ一たび神を見てしより、おほけなくも 此 この一大事因縁を世に宣べ伝へんと願ふ心のみ、日ごとに強くなりゆきて、 而 しかも 如何 いかにして之れを宣べ伝ふべきかの手段に至りては、 放焉 はうえんとして 闕 かけたり。如何にしてこの目的を達すべき。顧みれば、わが見証の意識の、超絶 駭絶 がいぜつにして幽玄深奥なる、到底思議言説の 以 もつて加ふべきものなからむとす。人の世の言葉や、思想は、 其 その神秘的、具象的事相の万一をだに 彷彿 はうふつせしめがたき概あるにあらずや。吾れ 之 これを思うて、幾たびか 躊躇 ちうちよし、幾たびか 沮喪 そさうせり。而して今にして知りぬ、古人が自家見証につきて語る所の、 毎々 つね／″＼ 徒 いたづらに人をして五里霧中に 彷徨 はうくわうせしむるの感ある 所以 ゆゑんを。彼等が心血を 瀝尽 れきじんして其の見証の内容を説くや、時に発して 煌煌 くわうくわうたる日星の大文章をなすことあれど、而かも其の辞 愈 いよ／＼ 繁 しげくして、指す方のいよ／＼天上の月を離るゝが 如 ごとき観あるは如何にぞや。彼等が悟を説くや、到底城見物の案内者が、人を導きて城の 外濠 そとぼり内濠をのみ果てしなく 廻 めぐり廻りて、 竟 つひに其の本丸に到らずして 已 やめる趣きあるなり。古人にして 然 しかり、今所証の浅き予にして悟を説かんとす、説く 所或 あるひは其の一膜を 剥 はぎ、更に其の一膜を剥ぎ、かくして永久竟に人をして其の核心に達せざらしめんことを 虞 おそる。されば、予は竟にこの一事を 抛 なげうたざるべからざる 乎 か。 否 いな、否。神はわが 枯槁 こかうの残生に意味あらせんとて、特にこの所証を予に附与したまへるにあらずや。この所証を幾分にても世に 宣 のべ伝ふるは、吾が貴き一分の使命の存する所にあらずや。げにや、悟といひ見証といふもの、 所詮 しよせんは言説の伝へ得べき限りにあらざるべし。しかはあれど、わが満心の自覚を 一揮直抒 いつきちよくじよの筆に附して、 尚 なほ 能 よく其の駭絶の意識の、 黝然 いうぜんたる光の穂末をだに伝へ得ざる乎、その 微 かすかなる 香気 かをりをだにほのめかし得ざる乎。能と不能とすべて神にあり。吾れは 唯 たゞ自ら見得せる所を如実に語り 出 いづべきのみ。
To faithfully convey my testimony to the world—this, indeed, is a most difficult task. Ah, ever since the time I saw God, my unworthy self has only grown in the desire to proclaim this great matter to the world, and yet I am completely lacking in the means by which to do so. How can I accomplish this goal? Reflecting on it, I realize that the consciousness of my testimony is so transcendent, so astonishing and profound, that no thought or word can possibly convey it. The words and thoughts of this world can hardly evoke even the smallest reflection of that mystical and concrete reality. Thinking this, I have hesitated many times and become disheartened many times. And now I understand the reason why the ancients, when speaking of their own testimony, often left people wandering lost in a fog.
Though they poured out their heart and soul in trying to explain the contents of their testimony, sometimes even producing brilliant prose like the shining sun and stars, the more their words multiplied, the more it seemed as though they were drifting further away from the moon in the heavens that they intended to point to. When they spoke of enlightenment, it was like a guide to a castle who endlessly led people around the outer and inner moats but never reached the main keep. If the ancients were like this, then how can I, with my shallow understanding, speak of enlightenment? If I try to explain it, I fear that I will only peel back one layer, then another, and in doing so, leave people forever unable to reach the core.
And so, must I abandon this endeavour after all? No, no. Did not God give me this testimony so that there would be meaning even in the withered remains of my life? To proclaim this testimony to the world, even a little, is where my precious mission lies. Indeed, enlightenment and testimony cannot ultimately be fully conveyed in words. Even so, is it not possible for me to express my full awareness, with a straightforward pen, and convey at least the tip of the spear of that profound consciousness, or hint at its faint fragrance? Whether I can or cannot is all in God’s hands. I have only to faithfully speak of what I have come to know.
神の現前 若 もしくは内住若しくは自我の高挙、光耀等の意識につきては、事に触れ境に接して、予がこれまで 屡 しば／＼ 躬 みづから経たる所なりしが、而かもその不磨の記憶となりて永く後ちに残る程の 奕々 えき／＼たる触発の場合は、 幾 ほとんどあらざりし也。その是れありしは、昨三十七年の夏以後の事なり。今後は知らず、昨一年は予の宗教的生活史に於ける、 謂 いはば、 光耀 くわうえう時代、啓示時代なりきとも見るべく、予は実に昨一年間に於いて、不思議にも三たびまでもこれまでに経験したることなき 稍 やゝ手答へある一種稀有の光明に接したるなり。而して其の最後のものを以て最も驚絶駭絶とす。
As for the consciousness of Gods presence, or His indwelling, or the exaltation and radiance of the self, these are things I have often personally experienced in contact with various events and circumstances. However, instances that left an indelible memory, with a brilliance that would remain long after, were almost non-existent. The occurrence of such an event took place after the summer of thirty-seven years ago. I do not know what the future holds, but last year, it could be said, was a period of radiance and revelation in my religious life history. Indeed, during the past year, I experienced, quite mysteriously, no less than three occasions of a rare, luminous encounter that provided a sort of tangible response I had never experienced before. And the last of these was the most astonishing and overwhelming of all.
最初の経験は昨年七月某日の夜半（日附を忘れたり）に於いて起こりぬ。予は病に余儀なくせられて、毎夜半 凡 およそ一時間がほど、床上に枯坐する 慣 ならひなりき。その夜もいつもの頃、目覚めて床上に 兀坐 こつざしぬ。四壁沈々、澄み 徹 とほりたる 星夜 ほしよの空の如く、わが心一念の 翳 くもりを 著 つけず、 冴 さえに冴えたり。 爾時 そのとき、優に 朧 おぼろなる、謂はば、帰依の酔ひ心地ともいふべき 歓喜 よろこびひそかに心の奥に 溢 あふれ出でて、やがて 徐 おもむろに全意識を領したり。この 玲瓏 れいろうとして充実せる一種の意識、この 現世 うつしよの歓喜と倫を絶したる静かに 淋 さびしく而かも孤独ならざる無類の歓喜は凡そ十五分時がほども打続きたりと 思 おぼしきころ、ほのかに消えたり。（本書〔『病間録』〕一七九頁「宗教上の光耀」と題する一篇のうちに、感情的光耀につきて記したる一節は、この折の経験に基づきて物したるなり。予は従来とても多少これに類したる経験を有せざりしにはあらざりしが、此の夜のに於けるが如く純粋にして充実せるは無かりき。）予は未だありしこの夜の経験の深きこゝろを測りつくし 辿 たどり尽くすこと 能 あたはず。今なほ折当夜の心状を朧ろに想起しては、天上生活の面影をしばし地上に 偲 しのぶの感あるなり。
The first experience occurred in the middle of a night in July of last year (I have forgotten the exact date). Due to illness, I was accustomed to sitting motionless on my bed for about an hour each night at midnight. On that night as well, around the usual time, I awoke and sat upright on the bed. The four walls were silent, and my mind was as clear as the serene, transparent sky of a starry night, without the slightest shadow of doubt or cloud. At that moment, a faint and hazy feeling, which could be described as a blissful intoxication of devotion, quietly overflowed from the depths of my heart, and soon filled my entire consciousness. This kind of crystal-clear, all-encompassing consciousness, this unique joy that was unlike any worldly joy—serenely lonely yet not isolated—lasted for about fifteen minutes, or so I believe, before it gently faded away. (The passage in this book [‘Byōkanroku,’ page 179, under the title Religious Radiance], where I describe emotional radiance, was written based on this very experience. I have had similar experiences before, to some extent, but none were as purely fulfilling as this night.) Even now, I cannot fully measure or trace the depths of that night’s experience. When I faintly recall the state of my heart on that night, I feel as if I am briefly reminiscing about a glimpse of heavenly life while still on earth.
今一つは昨年九月末の出来事に 繋 つながれり。予は久しぶりにて、わが家より程遠からぬ湯屋に物せんとて、家人に 扶 たすけられて門を出でたり。折りしも 霽 はれ渡りたる秋空の下、町はづれなる 林巒 りんらん遠く夕陽を帯びたり。予はこの景色を 打眺 うちながめて何となく心 躍 をどりけるが、この 刹那 せつな 忽然 こつぜんとして、吾れは天地の神と 偕 ともに、同時に、この森然たる眼前の景を観たりてふ一種の意識に打たれたり。唯だこの一刹那の意識、 而 しかも自ら顧みるに、其は決して空華幻影の 類 たぐひにあらず。 鏗然 かうぜんとして理智を絶したる新啓示として直覚せられたるなり。予は今尚ほ其の折を回想して、吾れ神と 与 ともに観たりてふその刹那の意識を批評し去る能はず。
Another experience is connected to an event that occurred at the end of September last year. After a long time, I decided to visit a bathhouse not far from my home, and with the help of a family member, I left the house. The sky had cleared, and under the bright autumn sky, the distant forested hills at the edge of town were tinged with the setting sun. As I gazed upon this scene, my heart inexplicably leapt. In that very instant, suddenly and without warning, I was struck by a consciousness that I was observing this majestic scene together with the God of Heaven and Earth, simultaneously, as if we were one. Yet, reflecting upon it, I realize that this moment of awareness was by no means an illusion or a fleeting fantasy. It was a resounding, transcendent revelation that I intuitively perceived beyond rationality. Even now, when I recall that moment, I cannot dismiss or critique the consciousness of having seen with God in that brief instant.
終はりに語らんとするもの、是れ 曩 さきに驚絶駭絶の経験と言ひたるものにして、これまで予が神の現前につきて経験せるもののうち、かくばかり新鮮、 赫奕 かくえき、鋭利、沈痛なるはあらじと思はるゝ程なり。予は今なほ之れを心上に反覆再現し得ると共に、 倍 ます／＼其の超越的偉大に驚き、倍其の不動の真理なるを確めつゝあり。左に掲ぐるは、当時の光景を略叙してさる友に書き送れる 書翰 しよかんの大旨なり。
藪 やぶから棒に 候 さふらへども、いつぞや御話しいたし候ひし小生あの夜の実験以来、驚きと喜びとの余勢、一種のインスピレーションやうのもの存続いたし 候 さふらひて、躰にも多少の影響なきを得ず候ひき。
What I wish to speak of in conclusion is the experience I previously referred to as astonishing and overwhelming. Among all my experiences of God’s presence, none has been as fresh, radiant, sharp, and profound as this one. Even now, I can still vividly recall and re-enact it in my mind, and I am increasingly struck by its transcendent greatness and ever more convinced of its unwavering truth. Below is a brief account of the scene at that time, which I sent in a letter to a certain friend.
藪 やぶから棒に 候 さふらへども、いつぞや御話しいたし候ひし小生あの夜の実験以来、驚きと喜びとの余勢、一種のインスピレーションやうのもの存続いたし 候 さふらひて、躰にも多少の影響なきを得ず候ひき。
Though this may come out of nowhere, ever since the experiment I mentioned to you on that night, the shock and joy from it have continued, and I have felt a sort of inspiration that has persisted. This has even had a certain physical effect on me, to some extent.
彼 かの事ありてこのかた、神に対する愛慕一しほ強く 相成申候 あひなりまうしさふらふ。 如何 いかにすればこの自覚を他に伝へ得べき 乎 かとは、この頃の唯一問題にて候也。一面にはこの自覚、人に知られたしとの要求 有之 これあり候へど、他の一面には、更に 真面目 まじめに、厳粛に、世の未だこの自覚に達せず又は達せんとて悩みつゝある多くの友に対する同情を催起いたし 居 をり候。この事によりて、小生幾分か、 釈迦 しやかの大悲や、 基督 キリストの大愛を味ひ得たる感有之候也。
Since that event, my love and longing for God have only grown stronger. How can I convey this awareness to others? This has become my sole concern lately. On one hand, there is a desire for this awareness to be known to others, yet on the other hand, I am deeply moved with genuine and solemn sympathy for many friends who have not yet reached this awareness or are struggling to attain it. Through this, I feel I have, in some small measure, come to understand the great compassion of the Buddha and the profound love of Christ.
本年のうち小生はこれと 併 あはせて三たびほど触発の機会を得申候。他の二つの場合（前に 陳 のべたるものを 斥 さす）も今 憶 おもひ出だし候てだに心 跳 をどりせらるゝ一種の光明、 慰籍 ゐしやに候へども、先日御話いたしし実験は、最も神秘的にして 亦 また最も明瞭に、インテンスのものに候ひき。君よ、この特絶無類とも申すべき一種の自覚の 意 こゝろをば誰れと 与 ともにか語り候ふべき。げに 彼 かの夜は物静かなる夜にて候ひき。一燈の下、小生は筆を取りて何事をか物し候ひし折のことなり、如何なる心の 機 はずみにか候ひけむ、唯だ忽然はつと思ふやがて今までの我が我ならぬ我と 相成 あひなり、筆の動くそのまゝ、墨の紙上に声するそのまゝ、すべて一々超絶的不思議となつて眼前に耀き申候。この間 僅 わづかに何分時といふ程に過ぎずと覚ゆれど、 而 しかもこの短時間に於ける、 謂 いはば無限の深き寂しさの底ひより、堂々と現前せる大いなる霊的活物とはたと行き会ひたるやうの一種の Shocking 錯愕、驚喜の意識は、到底筆舌の尽くし得る所にあらず候。唯だ兄の直覚に訴へて御推察を乞ふの外之れなく、今はその万一をだに 彷彿 はうふつする 能 あたはず候。
This year, I have experienced such revelations on three occasions, including the one mentioned. Even now, recalling the other two instances (which I referred to earlier), fills my heart with a luminous joy and comfort. However, the experiment I spoke of recently was by far the most mysterious and, at the same time, the most intense and clear. My friend, to whom could I possibly share the meaning of this singular, extraordinary awareness? Indeed, that night was a quiet one. Under a single lamp, I had taken up my brush and was writing. I don’t know what stirred within me, but suddenly, and without warning, I felt that I was no longer the me I had been until that moment. As my brush moved and the ink sounded upon the paper, each stroke became a transcendent mystery that shone brilliantly before my eyes. This experience lasted for what seemed like only a few minutes, yet in that short time, I felt a shocking encounter, as if I had come face-to-face with a great living spiritual being that emerged from the infinite depths of silence. The awe and joy of that awareness are far beyond the capacity of words to describe. I can only appeal to your intuition, my friend, and ask for your understanding, for I am unable to fully evoke even a fragment of that experience now.
兄よ、如何にか思ひ給ふ、小生の如き一面随分批評的、学究的精神をもてるものに、このやうな東洋的、中世紀的とも申すべき神秘的実験あるべしとは、如何にもあり得まじき不思議事と思ひ給はずや。小生自身にも、其の後両三日の間は、何だか 狐 きつねにでもつまゝれたるやうの心地いたし候ひしが、程たつに従ひ、 件 くだんの自覚は 益 ます／＼明瞭確実と相成、其の驚絶の事実は、 不壊金剛 ふゑこんがうの真理となつて光明を放ち来たり申候。今日は 最早 もはや一点動かすべからざる、疑ふべからざる心霊上の事実となり、力と相成申候。（下略）
My dear brother, what do you think of this? Isn’t it indeed a most mysterious thing that someone like me, with a highly critical and scholarly spirit, should have such a mystical experience, which could be described as both Eastern and medieval? Even I, myself, felt as though I had been tricked by a fox for two or three days afterward. However, as time passed, that awareness became ever clearer and more certain, and that astonishing fact shone forth as an indestructible, diamond-like truth. Today, it has become an immovable, undeniable spiritual reality, a source of strength for me.
(This is where the text ends)
これ実に昨十一月の某夜、十一時頃に起こりたる出来事なりとす。予はこの実験につきては、最早言ふ所なかるべし、そは如何なる妙文辞を 傭 やとひ来たるとも、最早こゝに書き記したるより以上の事を説き明かし得べくも思はれざれば也。真理は簡明也。真理をして真理自らを語らしめよ。言詮の繁重は真理の 累 わづらひ也。
In fact, this occurred on a certain night last November, around eleven o’clock. Regarding this experiment, there is nothing more to say. No matter how eloquent or sophisticated the words one might employ, I do not believe that anything more can be explained beyond what has already been written here. Truth is simple. Let truth speak for itself. The burden of excessive words only complicates truth.
さあれ予は 件 くだんの見神の意識につきて、今一つの言説すべき者あるを感じたり。そは他にもあらず、予が 曩 さきに「我が我ならぬ我となりたり」といひ、「霊的活物とはたと行き会ひたり」と言へるが如き言葉の、 尚 なほやゝ 疎雑 ルーズの用法ならざる 乎 かとの疑ひ、読者にあらんかとも思ひたれば也。されば、予をして今一度最も厳密に件の意識を言ひ表はさしむれば、今まで現実の我れとして筆 執 とりつゝありし我れが、はつと思ふ刹那に忽ち天地の奥なる実在と 化 なりたるの意識、我は没して神みづからが現に筆を執りつゝありと感じたる意識とも言ふべき 歟 か。これ予が超絶、驚絶、駭絶の事実として意識したる刹那の最も厳密なる表現也。予は今、これ以上、又以外にこの刹那に於ける見証の意識を描くの法を知らざる也。予は 如是 かくのごとくに神を見たり、如是に神に会へり。 否 いな、見たりといひ会へりといふの言葉は、なほ皮相的、外面的にして 迚 とてもこの刹那の意識を描尽するに足らず、其は神我の融会也、合一也、其の刹那に於いて予みづからは 幾 ほとんど神の実在に融け合ひたるなり。 我 われ 即 すなはち神となりたる也。感謝す、予はこの驚絶、駭絶の意識をば、直接に、端的に、神より得たり、 一毫 いちがう一糸だに前人の証権を 媒 なかだちとし、 若 もしくは其の意識に依傍したる所あらざる也。（彼等が間接なる感化は言はず。）
That being said, I now feel the need to offer one more explanation regarding my awareness of seeing God. The reason is that I suspect the reader might have some doubt about my earlier expressions, such as I became a self that was not myself or I came face-to-face with a living spiritual being, and whether these were perhaps somewhat loosely used. Therefore, if I were to express that awareness with the utmost precision one more time, it would be this: at the very moment when I, who had been writing as my present self, suddenly felt as if I had become one with the true existence at the core of heaven and earth. It was an awareness in which I vanished, and God Himself was the one holding the brush. This is the most precise description of that transcendent, astonishing, and overwhelming moment. I cannot find any other way to describe the awareness of that moment beyond this. I saw God in this manner, I met God in this manner. No, even the words saw and met are still too superficial and external—they do not fully capture the essence of that moment. It was the fusion of God and myself, a union. In that moment, I almost merged entirely with the very existence of God. I had become one with God.
I give thanks, for this overwhelming, astonishing awareness was received directly and straightforwardly from God. Not even the slightest bit was mediated by any testimony or proof of others, nor did I rely on anyone else’s awareness (though I do not deny the indirect influence of others).
顧みるに、予が従前の宗教的信仰といふもの、自得自証より来たれるは少なく、 基督 キリスト其の他の先覚の人格を信じ、若しくは彼等が偉大なる意識を証権として、其れに依り 傍 そうて 幻 おぼろげに形づくりたる者、その多きに居りし也。 半 なかばは他の声に和し、他の意識を襲うて、神をも見たりと感じ、神の愛をも知りぬと許したりし也。即ち間接に他より動かさるゝ所、其の多きに居りし也。後深く内部生活に沈潜するに及びては、一切前人の証権を 抛 なげうち去つて、自ら独立にわが至情の要求に神の声を聴かむとしぬ。わが 要 もとめは 空 むなしからず、予はわが深き至情の宮居にわが神 在 いましぬと感じて幾たびか其の光明に心 跳 をどりけむ。吾が見たる神は、最早 向 さきの因襲的偶像、又は抽象的理想にはあらざりし也。されどかく端的に見たりと感じたりしわが神の、尚ほ一重の 薄紗 はくしやを隔てたる如き感はあらざりし 乎 か、水に映りし花の、朧ろのこゝろを著けざりし乎。予は過去の 幼穉 えうちなる朧げなる経験をば一切虚也、誤也、又は無意義なりとするものにあらず。予は過去一切の経験を貴ぶ。それら皆其の折の機根相応に神を見たる真実 無妄 むまうの経験として、わが宗教生活史の一鎖一環をなす者にあらずや。謝せよ、これ皆上天の 賜 たまもの也。 但 ただ、予は従来の一切の経験を以て、わが不動の信念の 礎 いしずゑとせんには、尚ほしかすがに一点の 虧隙 きげきあるを感ぜざるを得ざりし也。予が従来の見神の経験なるもの、 謂 いはば、春の夜のあやなき 闇 やみに、いづことしもなき一脈の梅が香を 辿 たどり得たるにも 譬 たとへつべし。たしかにそれと 著 しるけれど、なほほのかに 微 かすかなりき。而して今や然らず。わが天地の神は、白日 魄々 とう／＼、 驚心駭魄 きやうしんがいはくの事実として直下当面に現前しぬ。何等の祝福ぞ、末代下根の我等にして、この 稀有 けう微妙の心証を成じて、無量の 法 のりの喜びに 与 あづかるを得べしとは。
Looking back, I realize that my previous religious faith had rarely stemmed from my own self-realization or personal testimony. Rather, much of it was shaped by believing in the figures of Christ and other pioneers, or by using their great awareness as proof to vaguely form my own. I often found myself following the voices of others, borrowing their awareness, and thus feeling that I had seen God and known God’s love. In other words, much of my religious feeling was moved indirectly by others. However, when I delved deeply into my inner life, I cast aside all reliance on the testimonies of others and sought to hear God’s voice directly, independently, through the demands of my own deepest emotions. My seeking was not in vain; many times, I felt God dwelling in the innermost sanctuary of my profound emotions, and my heart leapt with joy at the sight of that light.
The God I saw was no longer the conventional idol of tradition or an abstract ideal. And yet, did I not still feel as though there remained a thin veil between me and this God I perceived so clearly? Was it not like seeing a flower reflected in the water, leaving a faint sense of haziness in my heart? I do not dismiss my past vague experiences as entirely false, mistaken, or meaningless. I cherish all of those past experiences. Each of them, in its own time, was a true and genuine encounter with God, aligned with the spiritual readiness I had at the moment, forming an essential link in the chain of my religious life. I give thanks, for all of this was a gift from Heaven.
However, despite these experiences, I could not help but feel that there was still a slight gap preventing me from building my unshakable conviction on them alone. The God I had previously encountered, so to speak, was like the faint fragrance of plum blossoms, traced in the indistinct darkness of a spring night. Though the scent was unmistakable, it was still faint and subtle. But now, it is no longer the case. The God of Heaven and Earth has appeared directly before me, as clear and bright as broad daylight, as a reality that shakes the heart and soul. What a blessing it is! How remarkable it is that we, who are of such lowly capacity in these later generations, can realize this rare and subtle spiritual conviction and partake in the infinite joy of the Law.
夫 それ見と信と行とは、吾人の宗教生活に於ける三大要義也。三者は 相済 あひなし 相資 あひたすけて、其の価値に 軒輊 けんちすべき所あるを見ず。だゞ予は、予みづからの所証に基づきて、見の一義に従来慣視以上の重要義を附せんとす。人 動 やゝもすれば見と信とを対せしめては、信の一義に宗教上 千鈞 せんきんの重きを 措 おくを常とし、而して見の一義に至りては之れを説くもの 稀 まれ也、 況 いはんや其の光輝ある意義を 揮 かくきするものに於いてをや。されど、予は信ず、偉大なる信念の 根柢 こんていには、常に偉大なる見神あることを。真に神を見ずして真に神を信ずるものはあらず。基督の信は、常に 衷 うちに神を見、神の声を 聴 きけるより来たり、ポーロの信は、其のダマスコ途上驚絶の天光に接したるより 湧 わき出でたり。 菩提樹 ぼだいじゆ下の見証や、ハルラ山洞の光耀や、今一々 煩 わづらはしく挙証せざるも、真の見神の、偉大なる信念の根柢たり、又根柢たるべきは了々火よりも 燎 あきらかなり。見なき信は盲信となり、頑信となり、他律信となり、外堅きが如くして内自ら 恃 たのむ所なきの感を生ずべし。我等が神を信ずと言ひて、尚ほ自ら顧みて、どことなく其の信念の充実せざるを感ずることあるは、是れ尚ほ未だ面相接して神を見ざるが 故 ゆゑにあらずや。「見ずして信ずるものは 幸 さいはひなり」、「信仰は未だ見ざる所を望んで疑はず」などいふ古言もあることなれど、是れ未だ真理の両端を尽くしたるものとは言ふべからず。見ざる所を信ずる信をして信たらしむるもの、是れ 即 やがて既に幾分か見たる所の或物を根柢とせるが故に 非 あらずや。 勿論 もちろん 詮議 せんぎを厳にしていはば、見は 竟 つひに信に帰著すべし。信の尖鋭照著なるもの、即て見なりともいふべし。されど、こゝには唯だ普通 謂 いふ所の信の一義を取つて言説せるなり。されば予は 将 まさに 曰 いふべし、見ずして信ずるものは幸也、されど見て信ずるものは更に幸也と。而してこゝに謂ふ見るの義がかの基督の一弟子が手もて再生の基督の肉身に触れて、さて始めて彼れを見たりとせるが如き官覚的浅薄の意味ならざるや、論なき也。 夫 それ真に神を見て信ずるものの信念は、宇宙の中心より 挺出 ていしゆつして三世十方を 蔽 おほふ人生の大樹なる乎。 生命 いのちの枝葉永遠に繁り栄えて、 劫火 ごふくわも之れを 燬 やく能はず、劫風も之れを 僵 たふす能はず。
Now, vision, faith, and action are the three great pillars of our religious life. These three mutually support and reinforce one another, and their value should not be ranked as higher or lower. However, based on my own experiences, I would like to ascribe greater importance to the principle of vision than is typically recognized. People tend to contrast vision and faith, placing immense weight on faith in religion while rarely discussing vision, let alone emphasizing its radiant significance. Yet, I believe that at the root of any great faith, there is always a great vision of God. No one can truly believe in God without first truly seeing God.
Christ’s faith was born from constantly seeing God within and hearing God’s voice. Paul’s faith sprang from encountering the dazzling heavenly light on the road to Damascus. The testimony of the Bodhi tree, the radiant vision in the cave of Mount Hira—though I won’t list all such examples—it is crystal clear that true vision of God is the foundation of great faith and will always be so. Faith without vision becomes blind faith, obstinate faith, dependent faith, and though it may appear solid outwardly, it fosters a sense of inner uncertainty. When we claim to believe in God but still feel that our faith lacks fullness, is it not because we have not yet directly faced and seen God?
There are ancient sayings such as Blessed are those who believe without seeing and Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen, but these do not fully grasp the whole truth. Even the faith in things unseen must be grounded, in some measure, in a vision of something already partially perceived. Of course, if we delve deeply, vision ultimately returns to faith. The sharp, clear light of faith is also a form of vision. However, I am speaking here in the usual sense of faith as it is commonly understood. Therefore, I would say this: Blessed are those who believe without seeing, but even more blessed are those who see and then believe.
And it goes without saying that the kind of seeing I refer to here is not the shallow, sensory experience of touching the physical body of the resurrected Christ, as one of his disciples did. True faith, born from seeing God, is like the great tree of life, extending from the very centre of the universe and covering all dimensions of time and space. The branches and leaves of this tree of life will forever thrive, and neither the fires of cosmic destruction nor the winds of disaster can burn or topple it.
予は予が見神の実験の、或は無根拠なる迷信ならざるかを疑ひて、この事ありし後、 屡 しば／＼之れを理性の法庭に訴へて、其の厳正不仮借なる批評を求めたり。而して予は理性が之れに対して 究竟 きうきやうの是認以外に何等の言をも さしはさむ 能 あたはざるを見たり。予は又この実験の、予がその折の脳細胞の偶然なる空華ならざりしかをも 危 あやぶみて、虚心屡之れを心上に再現して、前より、後ろより、上下左右、 洩 もらす所なく其の本躰を正視透視したり、而して其の事実の、竟に 然 きぜんとして宇宙の根柢より来たれるを確めたり。されど、予は尚ほこの実験の事実が、万が一にも誇大自ら欺きしものにあらざるかを 虞 おそれて、其の後も幾度となく之れを憶起再現し、務めて第三者の平心を持して、 仔細 しさいに点検したりしが、而かも之れを 憶 おもひいづる毎に、予は 倍 ます／＼其の驚くべき事実なるを見るのみ。そは到底如実には言ひ表はしがたき 稀有 けう無類の意識也。今やいよ／＼一点の疑をも 容 いれがたき真事実とはなりぬ。 但 ただ予は、予が今日の分として、この実験の意義、価値の 幾許 いくばくなるかを 料 はかり知る 能 あたはざるのみ。真理の躰察、 豈 あに容易ならんや。予は唯だ 所謂 いはゆる「悟後の修行」に一念向上するあらんのみ。
I doubted whether my experience of seeing God might have been an unfounded superstition, and after it occurred, I frequently brought it before the court of reason, seeking its strict and impartial judgment. However, I found that reason could offer no objection other than a final affirmation. I also feared that this experience might have been nothing more than a random illusion created by my brain cells at that time, so I repeatedly brought it back into my mind with a neutral heart, examining it from every angle—front, back, top, bottom, left, and right—without missing anything, and I confirmed that this fact ultimately came from the very foundation of the universe.
Still, I feared that this experience might have been, however remotely, an exaggerated self-deception. So, again and again, I recalled and reexamined it, striving to adopt the mindset of a third-party observer and inspecting it in detail. Yet, each time I recalled it, I only became more and more convinced of its astonishing reality. It is a rare, incomparable awareness that is, in truth, beyond adequate expression. Now, it has become a solid fact, admitting not the slightest doubt.
However, as of today, I am unable to fully comprehend the significance and value of this experience. The investigation of truth—how could it be an easy task? I can only continue to aspire toward further enlightenment in what is commonly called practice after enlightenment.
嗚呼 あゝ、予が見たる所、感じたる所、すべて 是 かくの如し。 或 あるひは余りに自己を説くに急なるふしもありしならん、或は辞藻やゝ繁くして、意義明瞭ならざるふしもありしならん、いづれは予が筆の至らざる所と 諒 りやうし給ふべし。予は今尚ほこの事の表現に心を砕きつゝある也。但だ予は 此 かくの如くに神を見、而してこれより 延 ひいて天地の間の何物を以てしても換へがたき光栄無上なる「吾れは神の子なり」てふ意識の 欝 うつとして 衷 うちより湧き出づるを覚えたり。われは宇宙の間に於けるわが真地位を自覚しぬ。吾れは神にあらず、又大自然の一波一浪たる人にもあらず、吾れは「神の子」也、天地人生の経営に 与 あづかる神の子也。何等高貴なる自覚ぞ。この一自覚の中に、救ひも、 解脱 げだつも、光明も、平安も、活動も、 乃至 ないし一切人生的意義の総合あるにあらずや。嗚呼吾れは神の子也、神の子らしく、神の子として 適 ふさはしく 活 いきざるべからず。かくして新たなる義務の天地の、わが前に開けたるを感じたり。されど顧みれば、吾れ敗残の生、 枯槁 こかうの躯、一脚歩を屋外に移す能はざるの境に 在 ありて、 能 よく何をか 為 なさむ。吾れ一たびはこの矛盾に泣きぬ。而してやがて「世にある限り 爾 なんぢが最善を 竭 つくすべし、神を見たるもの竟に死なず」てふ強き心証の声を聞きぬ。新たなる力は衷より充実し来たりぬ。それ吾が見たる神は、常に吾れと 偕 ともに 在 いまして、其の見えざるの手を常に打添へたまふにあらずや。
（明治三十八年五月）
Ah, all that I have seen and felt is as I have described. Perhaps I have been too eager to speak about myself, or perhaps my language has been somewhat elaborate, making my meaning unclear. I hope you will understand these as shortcomings of my writing. Even now, I am struggling to express this matter. However, I have seen God in this way, and from this, I have felt the incomparable and supreme glory of the awareness that, above all else, I am a child of God welling up from within me. I have come to realize my true place in the universe. I am not God, nor am I merely a small part of the natural world. I am a child of God, a child who partakes in the governance of heaven, earth, and human life. What a noble awareness this is! In this single awareness lies salvation, liberation, light, peace, action, and indeed the synthesis of all the meanings of life. Ah, I am a child of God, and as a child of God, I must live accordingly, in a way that is fitting for a child of God. In this way, I have felt that a new world of duty has opened up before me.
However, when I look back, I find myself in a defeated life, in a withered body, unable even to take a single step outside. What could I possibly accomplish in such a state? At one point, I wept over this contradiction. Yet soon I heard the strong voice of conviction: As long as you are in this world, give your best effort. Those who have seen God do not ultimately perish. New strength began to fill me from within. Indeed, the God I have seen is always with me, and His unseen hand is always there to support me.
(May, 1905)
底本：「現代日本文學大系 96 文芸評論集」筑摩書房
1973（昭和48）年7月10日初版第1刷発行
Base text: Gendai Nihon Bungaku Taikei 96: Bungei Hyōronshū (Modern Japanese Literature Series 96: Collection of Literary Criticism)
Publisher: Chikuma Shobō
First Edition, First Printing: July 10, 1973 (Shōwa 48)
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